Look to Tomorrow
by defyingnormalcy
Summary: "Don't let someone else's definition of what makes a family get in the way of how you want to make your family. I will always be there for you, even when you're ready to move out of here." Raydor and Rusty fic with Flynn and Raydor friendship.


***There is a brief, non-graphic mention of Rusty's experience with Daniel Dunn***

"Hey Captain, we're heading out for lunch. Need anything?" Andy Flynn leaned against the doorframe, taking in the sight of an exhausted looking Sharon Raydor sitting at her desk.

"No thank you Andy, I'm alright here." She barely looked up from the report that she was concentrating on.

"You don't look alright. What's going on, is it Taylor again?" Andy took a seat across from Sharon.

She sighed. "No, it's not Taylor." She took her glasses off and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"How's Rusty?" he asked, sensing that there was maybe trouble at home.

Sharon sighed. "His school is having a parent appreciation day mass, to celebrate Mother's Day and Father's Day and the importance of family. They've been hosting it since my kids went there," she said simply.

"Ah, I see."

"He hasn't brought it up to me, but I feel like it's making him uncomfortable. I planned on talking about it with him tonight. He's been…distant lately."

"Kid's been through a lot," Andy pointed out.

"I know that he has," she snapped, "Sorry, I didn't mean –" But Andy waved off her apology.

"It's alright. I've got kids too you know, I get it," he said simply.

"The joys of parenting," Sharon said chuckling. "You never stop worrying about them do you?"

"Never," Andy chimed in. "And it gets worse as they get older, as I'm sure you know. My daughter wants to bring her boyfriend by this weekend to meet me."

Sharon raised her eyebrow. "Oh? And?"

"And nothing," he said with feigned innocence. Sharon glared at him. "I'm not gonna do anything, I promise. No IA investigation will be necessary. I'm just going to make it very clear that I arrest scumbags for a living and that if he's dating my kid he better damn well respect her, or else."

"If I get wind that you were a little more, _enthusiastic_, about demonstrating your skills as an officer I will personally see to it that you endure a very long and painful investigation," she warned.

"Yes Captain," he chuckled. "You and the kid going to be alright though?"

Sharon nodded. "We're going to be fine."

"Good. I'm gonna grab some chow, make sure you take some time for yourself," he stood and walked towards the door, "and hey, we're all crazy about him too, yeah? So don't be afraid to take some time off if you need to sort stuff out. We've got your back."

"Thanks Andy, I appreciate it," she said smiling.

XXX

The changes were subtle, but they were ever-present. He fidgeted a lot more, started chewing on his bottom lip; he even sat further away from her on the sofa. When they spoke, he was never rude, but Sharon could tell that his usual enthusiasm just wasn't there lately.

Tonight was no different. They were seated at the dinner table, his nose was buried in his plate; his shoulders were slumped, his gaze, downcast. Instead of the usual comfortable chatter the floated between them, there was only silence.

"Rusty?" At the sound of his name he inched his head upwards. "Can we talk about something serious tonight?"

He pushed his plate forward, settling his fork down on cold, half-eaten spaghetti. "Yeah, sure."

She settled her own fork down, and readjusted her glasses before addressing him once more. "You've seemed a bit blue lately, I think I may have an idea as to why, but I'd like it if you could talk to me. Tell me what's been going on?" she asked gently.

"I'm fine," he brushed her off, cocking his head and shrugging his shoulders in an effort to convince her. She narrowed her eyes, though not unkindly, at him and just waited. "Fine, I guess, I've been a bit annoyed."

Sharon nodded her head encouragingly. "And why's that?"

He ran his hand through his dirty blonde hair and sat back in his chair; he was stalling but that was fine, Sharon was happy to wait all night to hear what was troubling him.

"It's just, I hate this time of year," he started slowly. "And now that I'm back in school, especially a Catholic school, it's just worse."

Sharon sighed. The issue was exactly what she had guessed it was. "Mother's Day is in two weeks," she said softly. Rusty's teachers must have been preparing the students already for the mass.

"Yeah," Rusty said, bitter and defeated. "And like a month later it's Father's Day. I never really cared about Father's Day because of what my mom had told me about my dad, but now…" he trailed off.

"Now you know the truth," Sharon finished for him.

"For like, a second, when I met Daniel and he took us out to dinner that night, I was almost excited. I thought that maybe I could actually celebrate it this year." Sharon's heart ached for him. She would never understand how a man like Daniel could harm such a smart, sweet, and thoughtful young man like Rusty.

"When my husband and I first separated, our kids were very young. It was a few weeks before Father's Day that year and he couldn't see them that weekend because he was in rehab," she said. Rusty had shared so much with her; it was time that she started opening up her past to him.

"Oh, wow." He seemed genuinely taken aback by her revelation. "That sucks."

Sharon nodded. "It did, it was really hard on my kids because they didn't fully understand what was happening with their father. Their relationship with him is a lot better now, but for a while it was rough. He had two stints in rehab when they were very young and it was difficult for them, and for him, to cope with that losing out on their childhood."

"How old were they?" he asked.

"Five and two," she said. "Rusty, I know that St. Joseph's can have a rather narrow view about family sometimes. And that the preparation for the parent appreciation day mass can be a bit overwhelming for kids who don't have a traditional family-"

"Yeah, that's an understatement," he mumbled.

Sharon nudged his hand on the table. "Hey, what did I tell you before? About family?"

Rusty shrugged. "I dunno," he said stubbornly.

"Rusty…"

"That I'm family," he mumbled.

"That's right. And don't you forget that Mister." She nudged his hand again and he met her steely gaze with a half-hearted smile. "Don't let someone else's definition of what makes a family get in the way of how you want to make your family. I will always be there for you, even when you're ready to move out of here. I will still visit you and insist that you come here for the holidays and let me cook for you."

He sat up a little straighter at her teasing, and smiled. "Are you going to visit your parents? For Mother's Day and Father's Day?" he asked.

They had not talked much about her own parents yet, he knew that they lived in the in some fancy townhome in Westchester. He'd seen pictures of Sharon and her kids from visits in recent years. They talked often about her son and daughter, of course, and he had even spoken to them both on the phone a few times when they had called to talk to their mother. They both seemed nice, and were polite enough to him on the phone; Sharon said that they'd been too busy with their respective academic careers and work to pop in for a visit lately. Though Rusty wondered if perhaps Sharon had asked them to give Rusty some space, to allow him to make the choice of when he could meet them.

"Do they know about me?" Rusty wasn't sure if Sharon had told her parents about him yet. From the few conversations he'd accidently overheard of them over the phone, it sounded like they mainly talked about Sharon's work and how they were concerned about how dangerous her job was, and their grandchildren.

"They know that I am sharing my home with a very bright sixteen year old who makes me breakfast every weekend, and they know that he is shy when meeting new people for the first time; so it's going to be up to him to determine when it's okay for a family visit," she said, smiling.

"I don't want to keep you from your family," he said unhappily.

"You're my family too now," she reminded him, "and my parents are just fine," she said dryly. "My sister and her kids all live nearby, and one of my nieces just recently had a baby herself, so they're plenty busy."

"Right, okay."

"If you want I can speak to the teachers and ask that –"

"No, I don't want you to do that," he insisted. "But thank you. I'm fine, I really am this time." He smiled to put her at ease, and she decided not to push the subject tonight.

"Okay, but we're going to make another deal tonight. Anytime that you're upset about something, I want you to tell me. And I want you to know that I will never judge you, or get angry at you if you have something important to tell me."

"Even if I get into another fight?" he asked.

"I want to know why you're upset before you get into the fight. I want to prevent it from happening," she said sternly as she held her hand out.

"Deal," he said as he accepted her hand, and by extension her proposition.

She squeezed his hand encouragingly and gave him her warmest, most sincere smile. They were going to be just fine. She'd make sure of it.


End file.
